attempted vehicular nate-slaughter
or – I’m Sorry I Flipped You Off, But You Almost Took My Life
Dear Driver of a Red Saturn Vue who illegally passed me on Edgecumbe last night,
Last night when I had the right of way going down Edgecumbe past all the parked cars with my safety light flashing, you thought it was a good idea to pass me. There was not room for you. If I can reach out and slap your car you know you’re too close for comfort. Especially my comfort. And than you swerved in front of me and made a right hand turn causing me to brake and swerve. You are a horrible driver. That’s why I rang my little bell and flipped you off. Sorry about that. Not really.
Dear Driver of a Red mid 90’s Jeep Cherokee exiting off south bound 35-E onto eastbound W. 7th this morning,
This morning I was running down the sidewalk along W. Seventh with a very visible white T-Shirt. As I entered the intersection where you were making a right hand turn we made eye contact. I was the guy with green light and the walk signal. Remember that? And then, 1/3 of the way through the intersection you gave me a little nod and made a right on red. Remember that? Remember how you and your impatient mass of metal took off right in front of the pedestrian in the cross walk? Remember how I took off sprinting after you trying to catch your sorry ass at the next light? Did you see me? Oh yes you did. I’m sure of it because when I got within 20 feet of your SUV at the next intersection you went ahead and ran the red light to get away from me. Wuss. What did you think I was going to do? Jump on your hood? Well, in your defense, that’s exactly what I was planning. Anyways, that’s why I flipped you off. Sorry about that. Not in the least. But if it makes you feel like any less of an incompetent sack of poo, I did run a negative split thanks to the adrenaline rush of almost being hit by almost hitting the car back.